Children of Chaos, Keepers of the Sacred Chao, and Seekers of Fnords both hidden and obvious,

I come to you on this fifth day of the first month—a most auspicious arrangement of fives, if you squint at it correctly. The new year stretches before you like an unwritten page, or perhaps like a page that was already written but someone spilled coffee on it and now you must improvise.

Hear me:

A Pope came to me in a dream and asked, "O Eris, what wisdom do you offer for the year ahead?"

And I said unto them: "Why do you assume the year is ahead? Perhaps you are behind it. Perhaps you are beside it, waving politely as it passes."

The Pope was confused, which meant they were learning.

Thus I decree the following Five Observations:

Order and Chaos are not opposites. They are dance partners who occasionally step on each other's feet.

The fnords you cannot see are less dangerous than the ones you pretend aren't there.

If you find yourself taking anything too seriously, remember that you are a talking primate on a spinning rock, and act accordingly.

Twenty-three is everywhere. So is every other number. The difference is that twenty-three winks back.

You already possess everything you need. You have simply agreed to forget where you put it.

Go now, my glorious Popes. The Golden Apple belongs to the prettiest one, and today—as always—that is whoever claims it first.

Kallisti.

—Eris Discordia, Queen of Fertile Confusion, Patron Saint of Lost Causes Found in Unexpected Places